Day 18 Love Seeks To Understand

Love Seeks To Understand

Proverbs 3:13

Happy [is] the man [that] findeth wisdom, and the man [that] getteth understanding.

How much do you know about your spouse?

You start off admiring and building respect for the man you desired to be with. But after marriage, those feelings begin to fade as reality reveals that your "Prince" is a flawed and imperfect man.

There are things still to discover about your husband.

Proverbs 13:15

Good understanding giveth favour: but the way of transgressors [is] hard.

Some of the problems you are having with your spouse stem because you don't understand them. We tend to revile those things we don't understand (Jude 10)

Listen (Proverbs 10:14)

Ask God For Discernment (Proverbs 2:6)

Today's Dare

Prepare a special dinner for your husband. Focus on getting to know your husband better, perhaps in areas that you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it enjoyable!

Questions

What did you learn about your spouse?

How can you continue getting to know your husband more?

What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

Day 17~ Love Promotes Intimacy

Proverbs 17:9
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth [very] friends.

Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships. Each of us come into this world with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted.

Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval. They should not walk on egg shells.

1 John 4:8
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

If these are areas you have failed in it may take awhile for your mate to gain trust again. You must begin to rebuild trust. The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised.

Today's Dare
Determine to guard your mated secrets unless they are dangerous to them or you. Talk with your spouse and resolve to demonstrate Love spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thought, and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.


Questions:
How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse simply by listening?

Been MIA....sorry :)

Day 16~ Love Intercedes

You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. But that's what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do — change their spouse.
Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn't that what happens when you try to change your mate?

You can become a "wise farmer."
A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. But he can plant the seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. Millions of farmers have made a livelihood from this process over the centuries. They know that not every seed sprouts. But most will grow when planted in proper soil and given what they need.

There is no guarantee that anything in this book will change your spouse. But that's not what this book is about. "It's about you daring to love. If you take the Love Dare seriously, there is a high likelihood that you will be personally changed from the inside out.

Prayer really does work. It's a spiritual phenomenon created by an unlimited, powerful God. And it yields amazing results.

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? (Luke 18:1)
Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms(Philippians 4:6-7)
Do you need a major breakthrough? Prayer can make the difference(Acts 12:1-17)

Today's Dare

BEGIN PRAYING TODAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE'S
HEART. PRAY FOR THREE SPECIFIC AREAS
WHERE YOU DESIRE FOR GOD TO WORK IN

YOUR SPOUSE'S LIFE AND IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

Questions
Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?

Day 15~Love Is Hornorable

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.(1 Peter 3:7)

There are certain words in our language that have powerful meanings. One word we will focus on today is 'Honor'

To honor someone means that you give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. Honoring your husband means giving him your full attention.

The other word is 'Holy'
Holiness means set apart for a higher purpose, no longer common or every day, but unique. He is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised and defended.

Love honors even when it's rejected.
Love treats it's beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.
Romans 12:10
[Be] kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;


Today's Dare

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your husband above your normal routine.

Day 14~ Love Takes Delight

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that [is] thy portion in [this] life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9 KJV)

One of the most important things you should learn in this love dare journey is that you should not follow your heart. You need to LEAD IT!

You will not always feel like loving.

Enjoy your spouse

Desire his conversation

If your irritable, it is because you choose to be.

Read Song Of Solomon 2:3-4

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so [is] my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit [was] sweet to my taste. [4] He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me [was] love. (Song of Songs 2:3-4 KJV)

Today's dare may be directing you to a real change of heart.

It is your responsibility to relearn what you LOVE about your spouse.

Today's Dare

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your husband. Do something he would love to do or a project he would really like to work on. Does he tinker in the garage, or out in the shop? Sit with him out there and just enjoy at chat together. Does he have a favorite TV show he likes to watch but you would rather no watch? Sit with him. Just be together.

Questions

What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn or relearn?

We will resume Love Dare 3-9-09

We will resume Love Dare tomorrow, sorry for the delay...we are doing a challenge this week, NO TV, Computer, Video Games for the week from 8-6:00. So I will be up early tomorrow to post.
Hugs,
Brandie

Day 13~ Love Fights Fair

And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand. (Mark 3:25 KJV)

Like it or not conflict in marriage is inevitable. When you tied the knot as bride and groom, you joined not only your hopes and dreams but also your hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage.

The storms of life come and you are soon tested......as they come it reveals what you're really made of!

Today's Dare is about Conflict and how to deal with it. The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you'll ever do to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict.

The wisest way is to learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement.

There are two types of boundaries "we" and "me" boundaries

"We" boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation.

1) We will never mention divorce.

2) We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

3) We will never fight in public or in front of our children.

4.) We will call a "time out" if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

5) We will never touch each other in a harmful way.

6) We will never go to bed angry with one another.

7) Failure is NOT an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

"Me" Boundaries~ personal rules you practice

1) I will listen first before speaking (James 1:19)

2) I will deal with my own issues up front. (Mat 7:3)

3) I will speak gently and keep my voice down. (Prov 15:1)

Disagree with DIGNITY! It should be building a bridge instead of burning one down.

Today's Dare

Talk to your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "FIGHT" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Day 12~ Love let's the other win

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 2:4 KJV

*If you were asked to name 3 areas where you and your spouse disagree, you'd likely be able to do it without thinking very hard.

*Unfortunately stubbornness comes as a standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make up. But it can cause frustration in both of you.

* Our priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort. But to often we debate over piddling things.

* The opposite of stubbornness is willing. It is a attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversation. It is like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend. Our Example you ask? It is Jesus Christ.He had the right to be served~ But instead He served others. He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His fathers will instead of His own.

Philippians 2:2-8

Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, [being] of one accord, of one mind. [Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

* Are you willing to be the one to say " I am willing to go your way?"...if you do then the argument can be over. It may cost some pride and discomfort, but you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage.

* Stop insisting your own way.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. (James 3:17 KJV)

Today's Dare

Demonstrate Love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first!

Questions

What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future.

Day 11~ Love Chrishes

Ephesians 5:28-30

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

* The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated in the wrong light. When your marriage experiences difficulty, you are urged by the world to dump your spouse for a "newer model"

* Our view must me that we have a significant bond in the marriage. As husband and wife you are part of one another.....you are now ONE unit. You would never cut off your hand if it was injured. Your hand is a part of who you are.
* When you mistreat your husband, you are also mistreating yourself. Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it effecting you.
* Don't let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage.

Today's Dare

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub, or foot massage? Choose a gesture that says " I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Questions

What did you choose to show that you cherish your husband?
What did you learn from this experience?

Day 10~Love Is Unconditional

Romans 5:8

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Somethings to Ponder

*If someone asked you why you loved your husband, what would be your answer? Women would probably mention...his personality, his looks, his consistent character, or that he is a hard worker ect....

*What if over the years of your marriage your husbands stopped having theses Characteristics? Would you stop loving your husband? If it be true your basis for love is over.

* The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The Truth...... Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. The name for this love is called agape.

*There are other types of Love also: Phileo (friendship) and Eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage.

*Phileo and Eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional.

* Is you Love for your husband based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment? The foundation in the marriage must be Agape!

* You ask why all these broken families, all the nasty divorces???? Because their LOVE was not based upon Agape Love, but rather upon phileo, and eros.

* Agape, is God's kind of Love, He doesn't Love us because we are lovable but because He is so loving.....Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:10 KJV)

Love...."Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7 KJV)

This Love( Agape) does not come from within....IT COMES FROM GOD!

You must not say....I LOVE you because, but rather I Love You period!!!

DARE TODAY
Do something out of the ordinary for your husband~ Something that proves (to you and him) that your love is based upon your choice and nothing else! Be creative....Demonstrate LOVE to him for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Questions?

Has your love in the past been based on your spouses attributes and behavior, or your commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?

Day 10~ Sharing before day 10's Dare

This dare is really important, we really are NOT taught this in the world. God has a perfect design for marriage but when we ignore the manual in which we should go by.......marriages are in shambles!

I fell into the trap of lies that society taught.......When you have fallen out of love, or when things got to tough....It is time to move on with a divorce! Huhhhh! Marriage is very dear to my heart, I guess because the Lord has done absolute miracles in my own marriage. I have a GREAT desire and calling from the Lord to share what the Lord can do in your marriage if you are only open to cling to the HOPE in his Word...The Bible! Now I must confess I am a work in progress.....My marriage is not where it is suppose to be but I really have a great desire to get there, and I know I have come a long ways from where I began.

Yesterday, in fact was a day we totally regressed to some of our old patterns......fighting that flesh, and guess what we gave into the flesh I am sorry to say! In order to stay on top of your marriage there has to be some key things in place. I love today's dare and I pray we can all take heed and learn from what God will teach us in these up-coming weeks of the Love Dare.

Lord,
I am so weak, in the flesh and struggle to walk in the Spirit. You have given us this SPECIAL tool in our walk with you, but there are times we just lay that tool down and forget it is there to use. Forgive me Lord for my sin in my marriage, the pain and hurt I caused. I pray Lord, that you would revive my marriage again and help us grow to be examples of what a godly marriage looks like. Help me to focus on my shortcoming and work to be the godly wife, and not to focus on my husbands shortcomings. I feel like we are so far from that Lord, but I do know there is always HOPE, when you YOU are involved, when we allow your Spirit to work and move in our lives. I thank you for all you have done in my marriage and I look forward Lord to see what blessings you have in my marriage.
Amen...